How to Train Your Mind?

Mindfulness is the most important thing if you know what it really is. Do we do anything mindfully? If we can spend every minute of each day till we die with mindfulness, you would be surprised at what you will get. Living mindfully is the best way to stop and manage your stress, anger, worry and every other negative feeling. Would you believe me if I say you can practice mindfulness even when you are sleeping or eating? Yes, you can. that is called mindful eating and mindful sleeping. You can practice this with the five senses of yours. Once you start to have your meal, you can eat it with your five senses. Most of us do not enjoy our mealtime alone. We chat with our friends or watch the t.v or browse social media. Even when you are reading, driving, swimming, cooking or doing anything else, you can practice this skill. The only thing that you have to do is do one activity at a time and pay all your attention to that particular activity only. do not take your attention to anything else at all.

There are three Hs which are very important in this regard. They are Head, Heart, and Hand. These are inter-connected. Your head or the brain processes the things, heart gives you feelings and emotions while hand execute the actions. In mindful training all these three are important.

What is actually this mindfulness then? It is your consciousness. Being aware at this right moment about your feelings, emotions, desires and thoughts. This is something we have to practice in everyday life because as you all know it is very rare we keep notice of what we are thinking at this right moment. We don’t think much about what we are really thinking and what kind of feelings and emotions come and go in our mind.
If you want to know how to be happy, how to manage anger, how to be relaxed etc, and the answer to all these is mindfulness.
I am going to teach you one basic mindfulness practice trick. Try it at home.
BODY SCAN
 Sit in a chair comfortably with your back straight and legs on the floor
 Close your eyes.
 Divide your whole body into three major parts.
 You can do it as the parts above the neck, the parts below the neck and above your hip and third the parts below your hip likewise.
 Then keep partial awareness on your breathing.
 Don’t try to breathe artificially. Just breathe in and out as you do normally.
 While you are doing that, keep mindful about sensations from the outside.
 What your body feels from the outside (wind, coldness, warmth, )
 Practice this for about 10-15 minutes.


If you are really interested in developing your mindfulness, “mindfulness bell” is the ideal thing. There are different apps that you can download and practice. There are videos and articles as well to guide you about how to use this app.
There is another mindful practice which you can practice in bed, a few minutes before sleeping if you really don’t have time to do it in the daytime.
• Lie down on your bed
• Close your eyes
• Pay attention to your breathing
• Feel the breathe in and out
• Feel the pain or tightness in any of your body parts ( in your legs, head or anywhere)
• Pay attention to that pain.
• Feel it.
• Think that this pain is now releasing gradually and it is going away.
• Think like that for several minutes.
• Open your eyes and see how you feel.
There are similar types of mindful practices that you can do alone. Most important thing is, you have to be aware of your thought that comes to you at this right moment and practices this skill to do so.

Stress Management

“Stress”, is that really something bad and negative? What comes to your mind right now?
If we look at the literature, there are three types of stress. 1. Eustress 2. Stress 3. Distress. The first one is good and takes you to your achievements whereas the second is tolerable and not a bad condition but the third is unmanageable and not healthy for you at all.
People use different terms for these three types.

1.Positive; brief increases in heart rate, mild elevations in stress hormone levels

2. Torelable; serious, temporary stress responses, buffered by supportive relationships

3. Toxic; prolonged activation of stress response systems in the absence of protective relationships

Where does this ‘good stress’ come from? Think that you have an exam next week or you have your wedding next month? For this kind of things, you have to be very organized, pre-planned and get ready. If you have not taken the burden of these, then you would not be able to achieve any. It is ‘good stress’ which paves the way for achievements.
The other side of the story is bad. People are over-stressed for certain things because of their negative attitudes, behaviours and feelings. When a student is not organized, and have a good plan, it is no doubt that he will be over -stressed when it comes closer to the exam days. You won’t be over- stressed at your office, if you manage your work there on time every day. You should always take the responsibility of a reasonable amount of work or tasks for a day or a week. If it is beyond your capacity, you can ask the management to reduce it or if you are doing it to earn extra, you should have a good plan to manage your work at the office. None of your schedules should bother your family bonds. Staying a balanced person is a good way to keep stress away.
People use different strategies to manage their stress. Don’t attend too much on your work or studies. The brain too gets tired after working sometimes and it needs a break like your body. According to the recent studies, brain can concentrate up to a maximum of 2 hrs and after it needs a break of 20-30 minutes. The work will be more productive if this can be followed. If you really can test, you will see that it is true. Rather than working continuously for 4-5 hours, if there is a break in between to relax, it would be more productive. You can spend your break, having tea with a friend, calling your family, listening to some music etc.
The other important factor is don’t expect everything to be perfect and think you are the only person responsible for everything. Most of us want EVERYTHING or NOTHING. Nobody likes to take the middle path. Life is always over-generalized for you, don’t you think?. Maybe you are one of them or if you look outside, you can find many of them.
Practice FLY, FIGHT or FREEZE mode (3 Fs mode). Sometimes you will have to fly away from certain situations and things according to the circumstances. It is not necessary to embrace everything around you and try harder to achieve them all. There will be cases you really have to fight for the things. Without a battle, you won’t be able to get these things. Finally, you have to stay immobile without no response to whatsoever, because whatever you do will either be beneficial or harmful or neither both of them, even without your reaction. You have to be witty to select which time you should fly, fight or freeze.
Family problems, financial problems, educational problems etc. are some of the common stress sources. The problems lie within the attitudes of the people. Some are not happy about their achievements and desire for the unreachable. They spend their time regretting about what they don’t have. They don’t see the value of seeing the positive side. It is a good thing to desire more and work for that but too much of expectations lead us nowhere. We have to know our capabilities and limitations well. It is reasonable if you try to buy a car when you have a motor-bike, but if you make plans to buy a luxurious car at once when you cannot even afford a motorbike, it is a bit impractical in the world we are living in.
Have you heard about ‘Acute stress reaction’? It is a condition that occurs due to a sudden unmanageable stress situation like a sudden death, accident, committing suicide or any other traumatic incident. People who have been in or eye-witnessed terrorism, natural disasters to face this condition. This condition passes by within a few hours or days of the incident and if it lasts longer, it should be treated immediately. Most of us have experienced acute stress reaction in our lives because of the numerous road accidents every day and diseases like cancer, dengue fever etc. This is another side of stress. The religion teaches us how to bear such events in life and if you have practised that, this condition will no longer affect you. You can read about this further, you will be able to deeper facts about it.
If you are leading a balanced lifestyle, with a balanced personality, balanced psychological and emotional aspects, distress will not be a big issue in your life.

Life Skills

Most of the problems we face today are due to our lack of life skills. Life skills have nothing to do with your degrees or doctorates but it is about how practical you are and the level of common sense you have developed.
Most of the people struggle with life because of their inability to face life practically. They go to the extends of divorce, committing suicide, killing others etc. because they don’t know and they have not practised life skills. You can think of yourself or a friend of yours in the following circumstances.
Practice life skills with me. The most important life skill is decision making. Only a few people can make the right decisions at the right moment. Most of the people hesitate to make their own decisions and always depend on somebody for help. There are people out there who seek advice even for crucial things like selecting the partner for life. If you are intelligent enough you should know what kind of a person you will marry, when, where and why. It is advisable to seek your parents or elders advice if you feel so. But depending too much on others to make decisions for you is not a good thing. When we practice life skills, we can make our own decisions well and correct. It does not say that you always have to make the right decision. No, but your decision should be balanced with minimal damage to you and the other parties involved. Decisions taken in haste would not produce good results most of the time. Take time when you want to make a decision. Think about all the possible advantages and disadvantages. Most importantly follow your gut and interest. If the decision you make is not interesting or encouraging for yourself, you will be disheartened on the way.
Problem-solving is the second most important in the list. We all have our own problems despite where we live, our age, our career and family background. But remember, every problem has a solution. A great thing that I have learned and experienced in my life is, No problem is a problem until you make it a problem. Any problem is just another problem until we take it seriously. There is no need to take them very serious because once you solve one problem there would be another waiting for you definitely. So, let the life flow without you trying to deep dive and kill yourself.
The other factor regarding problems is there are various ways you can develop your problem-solving skills. Problem-solving is a skill that we have to master if we want success. It should be done consciously. When you come across a problem of any type, first, you should not get panic, excited or disheartened. If we think it is a family problem, a problem between the spouse, you should be able to see through and analyze the reasons for the problem.it won’t take much time because it is a very speedy process when you practice it. When you take the time to see what the problem really is, half of the problem is solved. Listen carefully before you speak. It really works. When you take time to think and rethink over the problem, you will nicely see there is no problem to worry at all. Time allows us to find the best solutions. Try this, if you felt I’m lying.
If you can forgive and forget, there you have the answer to all your problems.

The third skill is critical thinking. This is something that we cannot practice very easily. It takes time and effort of yours. Thinking is a huge process that happens within us consciously and sometimes unconsciously. Critical thinking can be applied to conscious thinking. When we make plans of any sort we think deeper. At those times we have to make it critical thinking. In literature, critical thinking is called ‘analytical thinking’ and ‘creative thinking’ as well. When we think critically, we see both sides of the coin. Let it be good and bad or advantages and disadvantages. If we don’t think critically we see only what we want to see in everything. It is like the story of the blind people describing an elephant. Don’t you think that we are mostly practised to think the way we want to see the things? But it may not be the way that we should see them. So, we have to think critically. We have to practise ourselves to see both sides of the coin. The way we are practised to think and the other side of that thinking pattern. Because of this reason we name some people as ‘traditional thinkers’. Life is easy when we don’t make our own frames. We have to be open to ourselves and others.
Next important skill is Healthy inter-personal relationships. Relationships of any sort can be an inter-personal relationship. The relationship between friends, siblings, co-workers, neighbours, spouse, lovers etc. We do have lots of relationships. But are they all healthy relationships? Having thousands of friends around the country doesn’t make you a sociable person. The number of good and active friends you have friendships with is the real matter. We should always remember to keep away from bad relationships because they will always bring no good to us. Having a few healthy relationships is always good for us.
Sometimes, you have to put an effort to make the relationships healthy. It won’t always come from the other party. You have to start it. If we take two lovers, one person should always be with the understanding of the other one and make the other understand each other. In any of the healthy relationships, there are rules. You should be able to listen actively, help each when needed, emotional support, few sacrifices on behalf of the other are few to mention. When we are in a healthy relationship we feel it. We are so relaxed and happy. We seek their company more and more. There are no unimportant arguments, no angry thoughts towards each other etc.
Stress Management is the next in the list to improve. What is the first thought that came to your mind when you see the word ‘stress’? Is stress really a bad thing? In the present society, people are over-stressed about everything. They are stressed about their family, job, relationships, statues, health and all of the other things. Stressing over something or somebody can be a good sign and a bad sign as well. Sometimes we need stress to achieve our targets. We work hard towards our goal when we are stressed. We will be insecure if we were not stressed when we have an exam next week or an interview tomorrow. But over stress? That is a bad sign. When we are over-stressed we cannot achieve our targets. I have seen some students struggle to answer the questions in the paper, though they have studied well.
That is why we need to practice how to manage our stress. Having separate time allocations for our work, being organized, being punctual are some of the tips to manage stress. I am going to talk to you separately about anger management in my next article.
Participate in life actively. Enjoy even the minute things you do every day like going to the office, shopping, cooking for your family etc. Even having a bath is something you can really enjoy. Go on a picnic with your family and friends once a month. Go to see your parents and sibling. Don’t ever say that I’m too tired, I don’t have time, I have important work to do etc when it comes to enjoying your life. If you can have a walk with your kids or spouse in the evening, that would really freshen you up. Remember, ‘working’ will never end. But you have found ways to manage your work and find your LIFE. Whenever you are doing something, do it with your heart. Accept and face the changes and challenges in your life. Talk with somebody about what you did every day and you will feel content and you are a worthy person on this earth.

Control your own Thoughts

Be careful about your thoughts.
The thought is always a phrase, not a word. We always think in phrases like ‘He doesn’t love me’, ‘He always comes late’, ‘He is so ugly’ etc. If you think about your thoughts carefully, we let our positive thoughts pass easily but negative thoughts? We always chase after our negative thoughts and let them root in us and a single thought can lead us to very unhappy moments. Sometimes this is the root cause for a divorce.
Have you seen the ‘floating clouds’? Let all your thoughts float, let it be negative or positive. If you care enough you can do this easily. Fighting with your thoughts is like fighting with your own shadow. You cannot really see your thoughts but still, you have got to fight them.
A feeling is a one-word like sadness, happiness, anger etc. Behind each of your feeling, there is a thought. Be aware of your thoughts always. Awareness of your thoughts is the only way to keep you relaxed and happy.
Let me introduce you the huge reason behind your thoughts. Have a careful look at the following thought cycle.

You can understand this with the following example. If there is an ‘incident’ where a wife may feel that her husband doesn’t care her as he used to do earlier by giving hugs and gifts on her birthday. With this incidents she develops a thought ‘He doesn’t love me anymore’ and the feeling behind this is she feels sad and she feels alone. Then she will develop physical reactions as she ignores him, she doesn’t talk to him and she is not active in her work etc. So, her behaviour is different than usual. She starts to be alone, sleeps often and withdrawn from her work. This is a cycle. All these are inter-connected. It continues until we start to think rationally.
But though he pretends to forget her birthday sometimes at the end of the day husband will her a surprise gift. So, all her suffering is in vain.
You can start practising this from this moment onwards. First, try to identify your feeling. If it is positive, rejoice for a while and let it go. If it is negative, be careful. Just a single feeling or a thought will lead to thousands of them where you will have no escape. Do not let the thought be taken as negative take it also as positive. If you get a thought like ‘he doesn’t love me’, just think like ‘No, he loves me, he will buy me a present when he comes. Or he has done a lot of good things for me though he forgets it this time’ etc. If this happens in this way, your relationship stays healthy and you will also not have unnecessary suffering.
If you want to stop this cycle happening, you have to take your feelings away. So, you start acting rationally. With every thought you get, if you don’t follow it with a feeling, you can think and act rationally. This is a practical situation and you have to do it to see the results.
So understand that our suffering comes from our own interpretation of our feelings and thoughts. It is always how we look at things and situations in life.

Anger Management

Nowadays we hear a lot of incidents about the break- ups and divorces which have become very common among people. There can be many reasons for that but the main reason is your EGO. What is your Ego? It’s your sense of self-esteem, self-importance, self- worth and self-conceit. Because of your high ego, you place yourself superior to the other one. You want them to surrender you. It blocks you from the understanding that each one is different and you cannot change others to the way you want them to be. In every relationship, it would be very easy if you can understand each has their own self-esteem and we have to respect while managing ours.
So, one of the major reasons for anger is your EGO. When you cannot control others, when they don’t behave, don’t talk and don’t do the things the way you want, you easily get angry with them. Don’t you get angry at yourself? Yes, you do. Even that is because of your ego. We want to have everything to ourselves, we want ourselves to master in everything, if you don’t feel you are so, you get angry at yourself. You may feel you are worthless, and that same factor leads to your anger.
You can feel the anger. Sometimes you can feel it as anger and sometimes it will come as a pain, fear or a feeling of self – worthlessness. What you always have to remember is that anger is a clear, unmistakable signal that you are in pain. The other important thing is “Do not suppress your anger” because it comes up again later with double consequences. But you have to learn how to manage your anger.
Now, we are going to talk about some strategies you can use to manage your anger. First is when you are angry talk about it. Tell the other person that you are angry with the reason. Do not suppress it or try to hide it. Things will be worse if you do so. Talk to the other person what made you angry, then it easy for the other one to understand your feelings. Personally I have used this strategy and I find it very successful. You also can try it out. Another thing you can do is walk outside from irritating situations and people. There are cases where you can say you are angry and stop them from being a botheration to you. So, leave such situations immediately without thinking twice. If you stay you are doing something very wrong for yourself. Another most successful way is to do breathing activities or something like that to distract yourself. It is so common that we are asked to count from 1-100 and afterwards if we are angry. It actually works. You also can press your thumb against the index finger. That sensation makes you feel relaxed. When you are angry observe yourself. How do you feel when you are angry? You will feel changes in your body movements, your sensations, and a lot of changes in your emotions and reaction. When you take time to observe yourself, anger will be gone and you will definitely understand that you are hurting yourself by being angry for something very useless. You also can be aware of your thoughts. What kind of thoughts would come and go? If you get so angry try to use your energy to do something else. You must have observed when women are so angry they do engage themselves in different tasks hastily with much noise in the kitchen or garden. Even that is a fruitful investment. Men also can do something like that until your anger goes away. When you are tired, you don’t have the energy to blame, argue, quarrel and fight. You also can engage in any entertainment activity like listening to a song, watching a movie etc. So, if you are conscious enough to identify your anger, you will never ever be angry hereafter.
There is a very interesting theory called Determinism theory. In psychology, it says that our behaviour is controlled by external and internal causes which we have no control. This theory doesn’t accept ‘free will’. If we take an example, a child will behave aggressively because of external factors like parents’ negligence, the influence from media, friends and school and internal factors like people are born with a ‘destiny’ which they cannot control.

Parenting Skills

If you are already a parent or planning to be a parent, this finds you at the right time. What is actually parenting?
Is parenting a learnt skill or is it passed from generation to generation? It is a learnt skill. It is something you will have to learn and develop by yourselves. According to Michael Levin, ‘Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.’ Anybody with a child will not be a parent if they have no good parenting skills.
Only a parent’s love can change the direction of a child’s life. Specially as a mother, your role is very crucial. If you want to be a good parent, think about your own childhood. You can think about what you enjoyed most when you were a child. It really helps to parent your child. But in reality, we also do like what our parents did. We forget what we craved for as kids and implement our own rules, don’t we? It is like doing what our parents did for us. Change and learn it correctly and practice it. You will not be successful at your very first attempts but don’t give up!
As parents, we always want the ‘best’ for our children. We buy them the best, we feed them the best but is that all we can do? If you care only about their physical needs, you are not a good parent. They should be given love, affection and protection always. Children need your love, care and affection more than anything and all the others come afterwards.
When a child is born, nowadays parents care only about a good school, a savings account and things similar to him/her. They worry less about the love they can provide amidst their busy schedule of work at home and office. We should learn to love kids harder and appreciate them well. According to psychologists, a mother should show love and fondle a baby for 20 minutes a day and or 20 minutes day after day if there are impossibilities.
It is apparent in the society that parents shout at or blame children always when they do something naughty. But it is rare they appreciate their good work.
I know about a doctor who is a doctor in medicine and psychology and he is one who parents his children very well. Though he has money to spend lavishly on his children he doesn’t do so. He lets the children know the difference between having and not having/gaining things and letting things go etc. He doesn’t believe that a good child is born from a wealthy parent. If we give everything, they will become stubborn, selfish and inhuman and they will never learn the best lessons in life like caring and sharing. Good parents will have good children while it can be vice versa with others. These are some parenting styles.

These four parenting styles are based on two parental dimensions: parental warmth, which is related to parental affection toward and acceptance of the child, and parental control, which is related to the active role parents play in promoting respect for rules and social conventions (Maccoby and Martin, 1983). There has been extensive research on the implications parenting styles have on behavioural outcomes in children.
If you still wonder which parenting style is suitable, the researches suggest that the authoritative style may be the better. Permissive style is a wrong way to parent because the child becomes very selfish and demanding. Since permissive parents tend to be non-demanding, it becomes much more difficult to control children’s behaviors. The following image can guide you further to find more on these styles.

Adolescence

Another important factor that should be considered here is adolescents. We as parents take care of our children when they are small. But the danger is when they become adolescents, we give up on them saying they are independent now. Is that all ok? That is the time period where they would experience a lot of physical changes in their bodies because of puberty. Afterwards, they tend to be more inward. They will not talk to you often as they used to. But it doesn’t indicate that parents should also not talk to them and stop their love openly. That is completely wrong. That is where you need to give them more love and more emotional support than earlier. This is when they will learn about social relationships,
At this time period, they try to keep their privacy. But it is the parents’ responsibility to see what their children are doing. You have to talk to them whether they would reply to you or not. Because at this age they do not enjoy your company over their friends and peers. So, they will not encourage you to have healthy relationships with them. But the real factor in psychology is that children are always mentally with you.

How can you Change your Attitude?

We want the people around us to be like the way we want them to be. A person is considered ‘bad’ if they don’t behave the way we like. But have you ever thought about yourself in this situation? What others want you to be and what they want you to do. No. Because we don’t like to change ourselves for any reason whereas we want others to eat, drink, walk, learn, earn and even die the way we want. Don’t you think?
None of the above is realistic and when you find it’s difficult to change yourself how can you expect somebody else? No matter whether it is your spouse, child or friend. So, this is where we find the meaning of ‘attitude’. Attitude indicates one’s feelings either favorable or unfavorable towards people, objects or events and places. Knowledge and skills of us can be similar but not our attitude. The first two lies on the surface level according to the Iceberg theory and attitudes lies underneath. But if we are careful enough we can change our attitudes to the positive side. People change according to their attitude.
What are the factors that decide our attitude? First is the state of mind. The present state of mind directly connects with the present attitude of ours. If we are angry, tired, excited at this moment, our attitude will also be negative. It is the opposite of a positive attitude. We have to train our minds to have a continuous positive attitude towards everything in life. For that, you have to stay aware of all your feelings, emotions and thoughts every minute.
The second is our mind-set. We have different mentalities. According to our belief system, the outlook of life, we think different. So, it affects our attitude. The third is the way we look at or think about things. This comes from our experience.
Society has a direct influence on our attitudes. That is because the people we associate can influence our attitudes. Not only the people, the events happening around you, the things you see every day and even the places you go to daily can make an impact on your attitudes. Think about this incident for example. When you go to work, if you happen to pass by a very sacred religious place, you would daily develop a religious impact. Either you may spend few seconds to worship it, think about your religion or talk to a friend about the place. But if you happen to meet every day on the bus, a person who talks only about criminals, burglars, rapists and so on for hours with you, there is a possibility you would also be like that. You would tell those to another like him and it won’t be easy for you to erase those from your mind. See how society shapes your attitudes?
Attitude can be taken as a decision you have made about how you want to see the things, people around you to be and happen. Attitudes are also a judgment made by you.
How are these attitudes formed? First is the cognition. It is simply our thoughts. What we hear and see and our perception towards them shape our attitude. Next is Affective. Our emotions and sentiments belong here. Last is our behaviour. So, our attitudes are a package of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviour. These three cannot be taken separately because they are attached to each other.

There is a very interesting model on attitudes. It is called ‘Betari box Model’ or “B.B model”.

Simply it says my attitude affects my bahaviour and my behaviour affects your attitude which in turn will affect your bahaviour. It is quite interesting story, isn’t it? If we can analyze this by ourselves, we don’t need any other explanations about attitudes. We think that our attitudes are either positive, negative or neutral. But do you see how complex our attitudes can be?
With these things, we have to see whether there is a connection between personality and attitude. My personality is who I am and my attitude depends on who I am. If you are questioned, who are you? The answer you will give will be the personality of yours. Depending on how you describe your personality, others can understand your attitude.

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

What do you worry about? We all worry about our relationships, work-life, financial status, housing matters, health, future, and many more things. There is nobody who won’t worry about any or many of these things except newborn babies.
WORRY is defined as a set of responses to an unknown, imprecise or ill-defined threat, often anticipatory in nature and created by the imagination, it is associated with the need to be prepared. This is a bit long definition but it gives the overall and a complete idea to what worry is. Read it two-three times again and you can really see the depth of worry.
Worrying over something can be a habit if you let it develop. Take a moment and think about a situation where you worried about something. We do worry about things either which are out of our control or things which will be solved with the passage of time. Worrying about it at this moment will you no result except it makes you stressed and weak.
So, what are the effects of worrying? In brief, they are, it reduces the creativity of yours, brings different types of disorders, sleeplessness, lack of concentration and poor performances.
The most interesting thing is there is a useful worry as well. Worry can be really useful when you can control your worry and not let worry control you. When you take the upper hand, worry can be your best friend in solving your problems. Because worry gives us a signal that we are going to have a problem and it makes us ready to find a solution and start our problem-solving process. Then you can start to think about a plan, discuss with other possible answers before it gets worse, and finally, your worry leads to a productive outcome.
But we sometimes do not see this positive side and only use worry for useless things. We worry about the same thing over and over, don’t we? This repetition takes up a lot of your time and energy. The other thing is we do overestimate bad things happening. If you think about it don’t we always predict the worst outcome rather than a good one? We think something bad will always happen and we worry about it even when the problem is far ahead. So, you will definitely start to have head or stomach aches and or difficulty in sleeping and eating.
Here are some tips that will help you to stop worry and start living.

1. Keep yourself busy

It has been found that those who worry a lot are the ones who have more free time. Isn’t that true? When you are busy with your work, (doing office work, writing a book, cooking, cleaning and any of the work) you don’t have time to worry about anything else. Because you are focused and you have a target to achieve. A lot of free time is wasteful and you need a short break only when you are too tired. You can enjoy your break to its utmost when you have it at the right moment. So, keep yourself busy with any of the work that is worth it. Even reading the newspaper makes you busy. Life is more worthy of something important than you worry about it and life is too short as well to be spent on worrying.

2. Think and act cheerfully.

We all have our own problems and they are never-ending. When we find a solution to one, there will be another in front of you. Whenever there is a problem, you will start to worry. So, take all these worries cheerfully. Act and think with happiness. Then you will feel cheerful rather than worried.

3.Have a separate time to worry

When you read this it will seem like fun. You will ask me ‘Oh common, is there a separate time for worrying now?’ But ‘yes it is’ is my answer. Anytime except when you are working or engaging in a work, you can have a few minutes to worry. That is because as we discussed worrying can be useful for you. Don’t ever take the time before going to the bed to think about your worries and problems. You won’t be able to sleep properly if you do so. You have to be very relaxed before going to sleep.

4. Co-operate with the inevitable.

In this world, there are things that you can control and things which are not. So, be ready to accept the reality. Incidents like sudden deaths, economical loss, repeating the exams are so common in the society we are living in. So, don’t get too much involved in anything.
Practice your religion properly.

5. Don’t imitate others.

Each one of us is different. So, don’t try to imitate others. Find yourself. When you start to do so, you will see that you are the most important person and finding yourself is the most difficult. The way they see a problem and solve it can be ok for them but not for you. You can have your own ways to stop worrying and start living.

6. Forget and forgive.

This is one of the practical ways to stop worrying. Life will be so easy for you and for me if everybody can practice this. If we can forget and forgive others easily, there won’t be anything left to worry about. Just forget whatever the incident that makes you worried. Do not let it control you. But unfortunately, that is what happens to us. If somebody blames us or gives a bad comment on our social media, we start to worry, don’t we? If you can let it pass without disturbing you, you have then forgotten and forgiven.

7. Count on your blessings always

We all are fortunate enough to be born as human beings with intellectual power. We are blessed with loads of good things though we don’t see them properly. So, try to count on your blessings as a man or a woman. They are huge than minor worries and problems.

8. Live in this moment

We all do live in the past or future. Either we are worrying about something that has already happened or we worry about something that is going to happen. But only a few of us live in the present moment. The present moment is the right moment for you to live, not past or future. Try living in this moment and all your worries will be gone since they belong either to the past or future of yours and others around you.

Do you Judge others?

Do you judge others? No. I don’t. That will be the answer to all of us. But what if I say yes, we do pass every minute in our life judging others. You have got to believe me. This is called non- judgmental thinking in psychology.

This is very similar to giving a verdict in the court. But in court, the judge will at least consider the witness, for and against before giving the verdict. But in our judgments, do we do that?


When you are walking in the street, don’t you judge others? The very moment we see a person we have already judged him/her. We look at the person and then we have assumed that he can be of this kind. If we see somebody wearing good suits we judge him as a good person. But we really don’t know what he is. Do we? If we see a man wearing unclean, dark colour clothes, what do we think? Oh! This man is really ugly. He is so poor. Have we not judged the person?


But normally we don’t really think or notice that we are judging people. Will those people get upset with your judgment? No, they won’t. But will that have no effect on you? If the person and the judgement are ‘good’, you feel positive and you take your thoughts with that person. You may think I will get a husband like that. I will also buy a saree like that. You go on thinking about various things. It is still the same if the person is ‘ugly’. You will start thinking to go to the other side of the road or look down to avoid seeing him. Later, you may even tell somebody else how he was wearing, etc.
Since we start judging a lot of people and things around us, we sometimes have no enough space to judge all those people and incidents in detail. So, what happens? We judge only a few most important people and things in detail. Others go unnoticed.


Though we don’t think about it, judging people is a headache for you. It can bring stress to a person as well. If you can avoiding judging others, you will feel so relaxed. Your ‘openness’ to accept that each is different is the correct key to avoid giving judgments. If you are married or working in an office etc. non- judgmental thinking is ideal for you. You need to practice this with consciousness.


The other side of the story is that what made you believe you are not being judged by others? They do of course. But you won’t notice it until you hear somebody say so. How would you feel if you hear a passerby says ‘you look gorgeous’ or something like that. What if you hear ‘she looks so proud’? You will, of course, have two different reactions. You will take yourself far with the second comment when you probably ignore the first one with a smile.


The people who judge others will be judged more than those who don’t. What can be the reason? When you judge, you know how to do it perfectly and even when somebody just looks at you and smiles, you think that they have judged you because of your own practice in doing so. People who have non-judgmental thinking would let that pass by easily while you may think about it and come to your own conclusions like ‘may be my dress is not good’ or ‘is there anything on my face ’ etc.


The other side of the same story is ‘you judge yourself’. What do you think you do in front of your mirror? You judge your appearance. Does my hair-style look good on me? Does this necklace match the saree? Do I look good in these jeans? At that time you may feel proud of yourself if you really look good in the mirror. Where do these good and bad appearances come from? From your own judgment.


We don’t know that we are judging us. Mostly this judgment comes from our comparison. We compare ‘I’ with my friends, actors/actresses on TV and with so many others. This comparison is either superior or inferior. It will never be in a middle position. You feel sad if your judgment about you is inferior and you feel overwhelmed with happiness if your conclusion of the judgment is superior.


Start living your life happily by avoiding judging others and you.

Finding Real Happiness in life

Do you believe if I say you that there are people out there who live really happy in this world? The number can be very few. But the factor is true. You may think happiness is the ‘smile or laugh’ in one’s face. Or is it wealth? The happiness we talk about here is not something like that. There are only a few people who really like to know the secret of a successful life. The possession of bundles of materialistic things will never be the answer if you are thinking about it right now. Being happy is the answer. How can we find this happiness?
Nobody in your life can make you happy unless you try it for yourself. You can do the miracle by yourself. That is being inward. If you think about it, we do always spend each minute worrying about the people around us or our loved ones. Nobody for a single second thinks about themselves.
Whenever a thought comes to your mind, if you can see it without letting it go unnoticed, you will believe that you spend a total of 24 hours thinking, worrying and dreaming about others.
You can find real happiness when you start to look at yourself. Be conscious of your thoughts always. When you are aware no negative thought can enter you because you can prevent it from tormenting you. If you are aware enough, you can take one step before your negative thought invades you and you can change your thought into something positive immediately.
We do always grow seeds on our negative thoughts by thinking and living with it for hours and days. We talk and think about the same rotten thought without knowing and it develops like cancer. When this happens with every negative thought how can we really be happy?
While we are walking in the streets, if somebody hits you by any chance or says something annoying, you get so angry and you start to develop the anger by judging the person’s outlook as well. Even after going home you will share this ‘invaluable ’piece of information which makes the others angry too. Can you see how far we are heading with our negative thoughts?
We have to learn to appreciate the variety. Nobody is alike. There are differences even between identical twins. It is a proven fact. Only because you look alike and born from the same genes to the same mother and father will not prevent you from being different from the other. If we can appreciate the variety or the differences we can stop being judgmental.
Be analytical but don’t judge people because we have to live with the rule that everybody has got their own differences.
You can read the following helpful tips carefully if you really want to be non-judgmental.
• First, be non- judgmental to yourself.
• Train yourself mindfully not to judge others.
• Observe and describe their own behaviour.
• Participate in life effectively.
• Focus just on the facts.
• Think that judging is often a shorthand way of stating a preference.
The first tip is the most important of all. Did you know that you judge yourself before judging others? We do always compare ourselves with others. She is pretty. She has a good job. She is well-educated. By thinking so, we position ourselves inferior to others. This can happen otherwise with some of you. You may think she is poor, she doesn’t have a good job etc where you think about yourself superior to others. We judge others comparing ourselves with them. We don’t have the habit to think only about ourselves without comparing.
What do you normally do in front of the mirror? You see yourself and you judge you. But this time it’s all about your outer appearance. How beautiful or handsome you are, you will see that your dress is not beautiful enough and you may plan to buy new ones. You will see that your hair should be done like your friend or an actor/actress. You are unique!! If you are aware enough you will see that you are a unique person and you got to appreciate the way you are than anything else. If we can practice thinking like that, we will not worry about our appearances and how others think about us. Whether they will laugh at us, mock us, judge us or things like that will not bother you anymore. We waste most of our time thinking about how others will look at us and how they will think about us? Do you see the factor I am highlighting?
If you feel like you cannot help judging you and others. Start just with the facts without going deeper with your judgments. Just see that she is beautiful than you and do not go further with your thoughts like I too want to be like her and to think like though she is beautiful she is not wealth like me etc.
If we can use that time to think about something useful we all can be in better positions? That is, you can participate in your life (you have not been participating in your life so far). You can enjoy every moment in your life hereafter. You will wonder how happy you can be!! That is real happiness!
Happiness is always a choice of yours.