Be careful about your thoughts.
The thought is always a phrase, not a word. We always think in phrases like ‘He doesn’t love me’, ‘He always comes late’, ‘He is so ugly’ etc. If you think about your thoughts carefully, we let our positive thoughts pass easily but negative thoughts? We always chase after our negative thoughts and let them root in us and a single thought can lead us to very unhappy moments. Sometimes this is the root cause for a divorce.
Have you seen the ‘floating clouds’? Let all your thoughts float, let it be negative or positive. If you care enough you can do this easily. Fighting with your thoughts is like fighting with your own shadow. You cannot really see your thoughts but still, you have got to fight them.
A feeling is a one-word like sadness, happiness, anger etc. Behind each of your feeling, there is a thought. Be aware of your thoughts always. Awareness of your thoughts is the only way to keep you relaxed and happy.
Let me introduce you the huge reason behind your thoughts. Have a careful look at the following thought cycle.
You can understand this with the following example. If there is an ‘incident’ where a wife may feel that her husband doesn’t care her as he used to do earlier by giving hugs and gifts on her birthday. With this incidents she develops a thought ‘He doesn’t love me anymore’ and the feeling behind this is she feels sad and she feels alone. Then she will develop physical reactions as she ignores him, she doesn’t talk to him and she is not active in her work etc. So, her behaviour is different than usual. She starts to be alone, sleeps often and withdrawn from her work. This is a cycle. All these are inter-connected. It continues until we start to think rationally.
But though he pretends to forget her birthday sometimes at the end of the day husband will her a surprise gift. So, all her suffering is in vain.
You can start practising this from this moment onwards. First, try to identify your feeling. If it is positive, rejoice for a while and let it go. If it is negative, be careful. Just a single feeling or a thought will lead to thousands of them where you will have no escape. Do not let the thought be taken as negative take it also as positive. If you get a thought like ‘he doesn’t love me’, just think like ‘No, he loves me, he will buy me a present when he comes. Or he has done a lot of good things for me though he forgets it this time’ etc. If this happens in this way, your relationship stays healthy and you will also not have unnecessary suffering.
If you want to stop this cycle happening, you have to take your feelings away. So, you start acting rationally. With every thought you get, if you don’t follow it with a feeling, you can think and act rationally. This is a practical situation and you have to do it to see the results.
So understand that our suffering comes from our own interpretation of our feelings and thoughts. It is always how we look at things and situations in life.