If you are already a parent or planning to be a parent, this finds you at the right time. What is actually parenting?
Is parenting a learnt skill or is it passed from generation to generation? It is a learnt skill. It is something you will have to learn and develop by yourselves. According to Michael Levin, ‘Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.’ Anybody with a child will not be a parent if they have no good parenting skills.
Only a parent’s love can change the direction of a child’s life. Specially as a mother, your role is very crucial. If you want to be a good parent, think about your own childhood. You can think about what you enjoyed most when you were a child. It really helps to parent your child. But in reality, we also do like what our parents did. We forget what we craved for as kids and implement our own rules, don’t we? It is like doing what our parents did for us. Change and learn it correctly and practice it. You will not be successful at your very first attempts but don’t give up!
As parents, we always want the ‘best’ for our children. We buy them the best, we feed them the best but is that all we can do? If you care only about their physical needs, you are not a good parent. They should be given love, affection and protection always. Children need your love, care and affection more than anything and all the others come afterwards.
When a child is born, nowadays parents care only about a good school, a savings account and things similar to him/her. They worry less about the love they can provide amidst their busy schedule of work at home and office. We should learn to love kids harder and appreciate them well. According to psychologists, a mother should show love and fondle a baby for 20 minutes a day and or 20 minutes day after day if there are impossibilities.
It is apparent in the society that parents shout at or blame children always when they do something naughty. But it is rare they appreciate their good work.
I know about a doctor who is a doctor in medicine and psychology and he is one who parents his children very well. Though he has money to spend lavishly on his children he doesn’t do so. He lets the children know the difference between having and not having/gaining things and letting things go etc. He doesn’t believe that a good child is born from a wealthy parent. If we give everything, they will become stubborn, selfish and inhuman and they will never learn the best lessons in life like caring and sharing. Good parents will have good children while it can be vice versa with others. These are some parenting styles.
These four parenting styles are based on two parental dimensions: parental warmth, which is related to parental affection toward and acceptance of the child, and parental control, which is related to the active role parents play in promoting respect for rules and social conventions (Maccoby and Martin, 1983). There has been extensive research on the implications parenting styles have on behavioural outcomes in children.
If you still wonder which parenting style is suitable, the researches suggest that the authoritative style may be the better. Permissive style is a wrong way to parent because the child becomes very selfish and demanding. Since permissive parents tend to be non-demanding, it becomes much more difficult to control children’s behaviors. The following image can guide you further to find more on these styles.
Another important factor that should be considered here is adolescents. We as parents take care of our children when they are small. But the danger is when they become adolescents, we give up on them saying they are independent now. Is that all ok? That is the time period where they would experience a lot of physical changes in their bodies because of puberty. Afterwards, they tend to be more inward. They will not talk to you often as they used to. But it doesn’t indicate that parents should also not talk to them and stop their love openly. That is completely wrong. That is where you need to give them more love and more emotional support than earlier. This is when they will learn about social relationships,
At this time period, they try to keep their privacy. But it is the parents’ responsibility to see what their children are doing. You have to talk to them whether they would reply to you or not. Because at this age they do not enjoy your company over their friends and peers. So, they will not encourage you to have healthy relationships with them. But the real factor in psychology is that children are always mentally with you.